Ephemera Guide: Valentines For Dark Nerds

Every month I like to boost those products, books, and people that have been giving me life over the past few weeks. This month things have a Valentine tilt, but with that dark musky nerdy vibe that is starting to become my hallmark. So here are a few gift ideas for your immortal beloved.

Fatally Yours

So you might have missed your chance to get the dark and morbid person in your life a box of Fatally Yours vegan macabre chocolates for Valentine’s Day, but that just means you’ll be even more ready for next year. These fanciful chocolate boxes, that come with tear catchers and mourning fans to boot, are from Vegan Treats Bakery. These little gems are a delightful mix of sweet and spooky, but let’s be honest, it’s the box you want to keep forever!

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Nothing says Till Death Do Us Part like sharing a praline severed finger

I Love Beaver

Created by Chris Bartlet, Zoologist’s Beaver is a fun and playful musk that is really well balanced. There is a lovely freshness, like a bracing breeze that blows in with the top notes and is dominated by Linden before it rustles through a dark wood and settles down into its den with all the warm furriness you would expect from a scent called Beaver. The fragrance was reformulated in 2016 to remove the smoky/ashy notes and better balance the accords. While I LIVE for flames, smoke, and ash in my fragrances, I get it and it was a smart move to reformulate. The resulting fragrance is more photorealistic to Castoreum, even though it is a vegan product. It’s a great scent for those of us facing a chilly slushy urban Valentine’s Day but want to pretend we are snug in a winter wonderland cabin with our love bug instead.

Plus the Mr. Beaver on the bottle is kawaii AF

Conditions of Love

I stand by the statement that love is a raw power, capable of both good and evil in equal measure. That is why I adore this slim little volume by Armstrong. Conditions of Love: The Philosophy of Intimacy is a philosophical journey through the dimensions of love and intimacy in relationships. Every time I read it, something new stands out to me. Sometimes it revealed things to me I didn’t want to hear. Sometimes it helped me keep my head in the dizzy tumbling of first passions. Even when I disagree with it, the book always engages me to think critically about what love is. It should be required reading before your first date in high school.


Bloody Valentines

I’ve had partners in the past who were, let’s say, menstruationly immature. You mention you’re having cramps and they go running for the hills because they think a woman’s body doing what it does is icky. Thankfully my husband is very pro-positive menstruation and it was he that urged me to give THINX a try. THINX are cute undies that you can bleed in without leaks, stains, wetness, bulky diaper vibes, or attracting dogs. Ya’ll when I say these changed my life, I really mean it. I was a menstruating human being that didn’t have to worry about her period for the first time in her life. No bag, no backups, no extra layer for emergency strategic coverage. I was running around the house in my underoos bending and contorting in odd ways and yelling to my husband, “Look babe, I can do this and they still aren’t leaking!” If you want to get your partner something she will really love this Valentine’s Day give her the gift of never having to go up to her female office mate again and ask, “hey, uh, is there anything on the back of my pants?” That’s real love!

This kind of goes without saying on a blog dedicated to death and smells but all recommendations are based on personal experience and were purchased. We do not accept paid recommendations.